Earlectrek Investigates: Mainstream Media Found Writing Bullshit Tesla Headlines for Clicks.

Earlectrek Investigates: Mainstream Media Found Writing Bullshit Tesla Headlines for Clicks.

In an exhaustive investigation that prevented this writer from browsing Twitter on the office toilet for the usual 30 minutes this morning, Earlectrek has learned that mainstream media publications have been using bullshit headlines about Tesla in order to drive clicks to their own websites, in a desperate move to generate more clicks and ad-revenue.

Examples of this sort of behaviour are countless. From media organizations inserting “Tesla” into headlines of articles that have nothing to do with Tesla, or randomly making shit up while using the word “Tesla” as a verb, to TSLAQ blogs allowing any slavering idiot with a keyboard to roll their face around and press Publish, it seems that there is no limit to how low these publishers will go to use made-up news about Tesla as a means of making money.

⬆️FTFY Dumbass!⬆️

Earlectrek staff reached out to some members of the media who have been found writing such articles, in an effort to better understand their motivations and reasoning. Here’s what they had to say.

Writer Hana Dull responded that “writing clickbait nonsense, even if it’s completely false, is what we do at my publication, so I’m basically just going along with company policy”. Dull also explained that “I don’t like Tesla, SpaceX, Neuralink, The Boring Company, or Elon Musk because they’re doing all sorts of cool shit like landing rocket boosters, digging holes for cars, creating SkyNet, and building vehicles that can kick the living snot out of pretty much anything else on the road, while I’m sitting around in some shitty office working with losers and wishing my life didn’t suck, so I’m pretty much transferring my dissatisfaction on to someone who is trying to make the world a better place, mostly out of spite”.

Mitch Russell, a freelance writer, admitted that he was initially positive on Elon Musk and Tesla, until “two guys in dark suits and sunglasses driving an Exxon SUV came to visit me one day and gave me an envelope full of cash to basically just make shit up about Tesla. They didn’t care what I wrote, as long as it was negative”. Russell further explains “I figured, fuck it, I need the money and I’ll probably be dead before anything bad happens to the planet, so why the hell not. It turns out integrity has it’s price, and in my case that price is a #10 envelope full of large denomination non-sequential unmarked bills every 6 months”.

Other responses were not received in time for publication, however this article will be updated if anything worthwhile appears in our inbox aside from the 2 for 1 pizza voucher we got this morning.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments…unless you’re going to say something stupid, in which case, just do us a favour and move on.

Norman’s Take

Despite the best efforts of certain media organizations, the automotive industry, the oil and gas industry, the SEC, and some dude named Mark who lives in his mom’s basement, Elon Musk and Tesla have succeeded in shifting the world towards automotive electrification. The vast majority of Tesla owners love their cars, and this has translated into word of mouth advertising and promotion that cannot be overcome by the staggering amount of outright bullshit written online. Once you drive a Tesla, you never want to drive a gas car again, period!

Do you want to get out of your dinosaur-fuelled ride and into a rocket-ship on wheels? Use Jennifer’s referral code to get some free Supercharging miles on your new Tesla Model S, 3, or X today. You’ll be glad you did.

https://www.tesla.com/en_CA/referral/jennifer29373.

Right Said Fred

A retired guy with nothing else to do except waste his remaining years on Twitter while writing semi-satirical articles about current events and dreaming of the day when Elon will get us off this rock.

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