New study: Can a seat belt strangle you?

Not a Fredthrower
April 23, 2021
Audi, Automakers, BMW, Elon Musk Tweets, Ford, GM, Hyundai, Jaguar, Lucid Motors, Mercedes-Benz, Nissan, Porsche, Tesla, Tesla Autopilot

It’s national pick on an effective safety feature week, and here at Earlectrek we couldn’t pass up the opportunity for our hard-hitting journalists to get paid.

While the mainstream media has been undermining trust in proven safety systems like Tesla’s Autopilot for the past week, our journalists have been hard at work uncovering just how unsafe other safety systems are, for example seat belts.

Seat belt strangulation

Much to our surprise, it turns out, seat belts can strangle you. Especially when used in reckless ways.

Earlectrek isn’t an outlet full of journalists who just regurgitate words from people who have no idea what their talking about, no we bring you the raw facts. How does one get raw facts? They try it themselves. (Or barring that you know do real research)

With approval in hand from our insurance company (they knew this was a FUD article). Our head of journalism Joke Fishy was dispatched to the Earlectrek test track in Consumerville, California to find out first hand if seat belts can kill you.

Fishy decided to do this life and death research using our newest “donated” (see: bribed), EV from Emmett Brown enterprises. In a future article we’ll tell you all about it. It has nearly limitless range due to a very interesting fuel source (insert cliffhanger). A true “Tesla Killer”!

Experiment #1: Slamming on the brakes at 87 miles an hour.

Seat Belts Nonfiction Reading Test Seat belts have been tested. They save lives. "Click!" That's the sound of safety. That's the sound of survival. That's the sound of a seat belt locking in place. Seat belts save lives and that's a fact. That's why I don't drive ... — Fishy admiring the steering wheel

Results: Seat belt worked as intended, no strangulation, though Fishy complained of some chest pain.

Experiment #2: Rolling the car at 87 miles an hour.

Autonomous DeLorean drives sideways to move forward | Stanford News — Fishy trying to roll this yet unannounced EV

Results: Fishy tried this experiment 3 times, and each time he was unsuccessful at getting the car to roll. Something about low centre of gravity?

Experiment #3: Jumping into the passenger seat while keeping the driver seat belt buckled up, and slamming on the brakes with a stick at 87 miles an hour.

Adults less likely to use seat belts in back seat of hired cars, report finds — **Warning NFSW**: A seat belt might not be the only belt Fishy needs.

Results: Fishy ended up on top of the car’s dashboard, in much pain.

Conclusion?

While we couldn’t reproduce the seat belt strangulation, in our highly scientific tests, we were able to conclude that by purposefully misusing the seat belt, the seat belt seems to fail to protect you from harm.

We reached out to seat belt manufacturers for comment, but they haven’t responded.

What are Fishy’s thoughts?

Fishy our resident arm chair seat belt expert tells us “it’s insane that the seat belts in this Emmett Brown enterprises EV don’t protect you even if you aren’t using them” he further explains his belief that “other car manufacturers systems work better”.