Mister Musk Makes MaJor Marketing Move!
One of the first major changes Elon Musk, owner and Chief Twit, made to Twitter after buying the social media platform, was to begin charging for the blue verified checkmark. Uptake of the new Twitter Blue feature has been slow largely due to the eight ($8) dollar monthly charge. While individuals might find $8 an unwelcome burden it is at least relatively small and not entirely cumbersome price.
Eight bucks is, however, just the tip of the newly instituted fee iceberg. Organizations such as corporations, clubs and media outlets, including the always factual and reliable Earlectrek, cannot simply pay 8 bucks for โBlueโ. Instead they are required to apply for the coveted, and covetous, Twitter Gold at the steep, some would say exploitive, cost of $1000 per month.
From the Twitter website:
That deserves to be spelled out. One thousand dollars. Per month. Every Month. Twelve thousand greenbacks per year. Twelve grand to receive a verified golden check mark. A dozen G to bathed in Twitter’s golden shower. Understandably the number of organizations able and willing to pay that price is quite small. Clearly Elon was smoking something when he set the price for Twitter Gold.
In an effort to increase uptake secret internal memos leaked to Earlectrek layout a new strategy:
Elon is going to share what heโs been smoking!
That’s right, Elon is passing the dutchie on the left hand side, and for the low low price of a grand per month, he’s passing it right to you.
This is not simply another 4/20 joke. Included in the $1000 per month Twitter Gold price is a new strain of the icky-sticky developed expressly for Twitter using the latest in gene manipulating artificial intelligence from Elon’s latest venture, X.ai. Designed using pleasure center research performed at another of Elon’s ventures, Neuralink, this grass promises to burn like a Falcon 9 and take you just as high.
The product will be available in the form of pre-rolled joints, blunts, spliffs, or fatties. For those with a sweet tooth, THC infused Tesla Semi shaped Gummi candies are available. And finally loose baggies of Elon’s magic herb will be provided for those that prefer to pack their own bowl in the new Cybertruck inspired GigaBong recently unveiled.
Because the high cost of Twitter Gold can be anxiety inducing it is expected that prescriptions will be easily available in any of the 38 states that allow medicinal use of the wacky-tobaccy. This new marketing promotion is expected to make Twitter the dankest place on the internet.
So step in and blaze up and blast off! As a very reliable source said โItโs good stuff man!”
